Late summer at Bully Creek

I love the late summer look of this country, my garden, my yard and the surrounding area. Lush, green, mature, full of life. So I took a stroll yesterday to capture some of it so I could share the effulgence and ripeness of this season.

The picture below is the garden, looking southwest. The sweet corn is evident, and the pole beans. In front of the beans are a mixture of bush beans and potatoes. And in front of that, partially obscured by the shade of the peach tree is winter squash.





Below is a glimpse of the abundant broccoli and cauliflower of this year, winter shelling beans in the foreground.
More broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage as well as lots of radicchio and kohlrabi. The red is orach, a really tasty salad ingredient now going seed (it self-seeds beautifully.)
A shot of the elderberry bushes which are just loaded with black fruit.

The Italian plum is loaded this year.
And so is the Granny Smith apple tree.
Lots of grapes this year. These are Thomson seedless.
I learned this year that Thomson seedless turn a purplish color when fully loaded with sugar. Mmmmm....
The "vineyard" at a distance - with my helpers, Daisy and Zeke.
Upper orchard.
Lower orchard.
The creek adjacent the lower orchard.
The recovering Asian pear which went into the beaver dam with blossoms and baby fruit early in the spring. Note cage to keep beavers away.
The path down to the launching place for the creek float.
The launch area, as inspected by Muffy.
View through cattails of the creek from the launching spot.

Goldenrod with guests.

The breached beaver dam with teasel in foreground.
Creek behind the breached beaver dam.
Lawn in late summer.
Honeydew melon.
Yellow doll watermelons.
Tomatoes with basil in front.


From tomatoes toward yard, new strawberry bed in mid-ground.

Winter squash.

Shaded seating area.
My summertime station after the work is done.

Homosexuality and the world

I've been thinking about this topic - a lot! In fact, I've been thinking about it for decades, trying to understand it in ways other than the superficial and/or obvious. And I've hesitated to publish my thoughts, but perhaps someone needs to examine this without the trappings of political correctness and just with some cool logic, but not without sensitivity.

What brought this to a head for me was the very strident and loud voices I heard criticizing President Obama for not moving more quickly on this agenda and actually threatening him with loss of support if he does not (get a grip!). I had been put off by the utter selfishness and clanging demands for attention for some time, but this was really the last straw. So let's see if we can get some perspective.

First, the President's priorities. Let's see, at the time I first heard this demand for attention, North Korea was threatening to blow up a nuclear warhead and has not ceased being a dangerous distraction since. Iran's pursuit of nuclear capabilities continues to be an ever more serious threat, and then there was the violent and clumsy election that has riven the country and exposed the schisms that were not evident to westerners before. Pakistan does have nuclear capability and is in a terribly fragile state which is increasingly violent and threatening. Afghanistan seems to be a virtual football in the area and has been badly handled for decades as well as unstable. Relations with Russia are critical to progress in these areas and must be cemented. China is increasingly unstable but virtually "owns" our economy (and yes, we'll get to that topic) and must be placated and strengthened in partnership. Israel is throwing temper tantrums and insisting on its way, as usual, but with an American administration that is not willing to cave to its pressure in the accustomed way - oh and it also has nuclear capabilities. Relations with European allies are dicey post-Iraq and financial meltdown - and that subject (Iraq) is far from closed as a tricky withdrawal of troops begins. The entire Muslim world resemble an angry hornet's nest, and for good reason. Other regions, areas, and countries pose significant challenges and demand attention as well, but nothing aces The Economy which has basically collapsed and is being artificially sustained on life support by the flimsiest of sources - the American working public - whose prospects for financial stability are increasingly endangered by the very source of the financial collapse (Wall Street and corporate greed!), but whose "recovery" depends on their financial "success" (I use that term loosely because the burden of debt makes any real success in the ways that we have known it post-WWII a mere illusion, and that for generations to come) - and this has had a ripple effect among every significant player in the world. These are a few of the more pressing issues, as well as health care reform, jobs creation, examination of crippling entitlement programs and other pressing domestic issues. Given these, I find it very difficult to understand why our Prez has not moved the gay agenda to the forefront for this would surely have a salubrious affect on these other, more minor issues, would it not? (Forgive my sarcasm...)

Perhaps I should say upfront that I have many years of very intimate experience within the gay community as an open-minded and much-loved friend and associate. It is not at all a cliche or an exaggeration to state that some of my best friends have been gay ("have been" because many of them are now dead of AIDS) and one is a hugely loved, adopted son. So in addition to observing on a very intimate level, I have also had very probing and honest conversations over the years.

My first observation is that I do not understand how sexual preference can be elevated to the importance the gay and lesbian community afford it. In the entirety of the sexual spectrum there are many, shall we say, subsets. Does each deserve its own political movement and public acclamation? Or is this not a very private matter, such as religion and politics? Why is this even a public issue? By this I mean particularly those very pushy people who demand that it be an public issue, who won't stop talking about it, who see homophobes where none exist, who have lost all sense of proportion and discretion, who advertise in effect and who seem to demand attention that goes beyond that of other people, that makes them a cut above perhaps, and who place sex and their choice of expression as the salient feature of their lives - before work, play, food, recreation, sleep, or any other feature of their lives, though I suspect that the percentage of their time devoted to this activity is relatively small in comparison to other items, just as it is in everyone else's life.

I mean, what is "gay lifestyle"? What a strange phrase! Do gays not eat? sleep? buy houses? drive cars? drink water? listen to music? wear clothing? shop? Do they not live like other humans? Is the way one prefers to express sexuality so life-changing that it becomes a "lifestyle"? I think not. Having experienced gay and/or lesbian people in every walk of life, I would say that the true "lifestyles" are as diverse in that community of folk as it is anywhere else.

Frankly I am offended by the in-your-face activists. I don't try to cram my own peculiar eccentricities or preferences down their throats (or anyone else's, and I might add that as an iconoclast I take personal responsibility for the consequences of my choice to be different) and I have never found people secure in themselves who are this strident about a cause - I mean a personal cause such as this. I don't care what you do with your sex organs, I just don't want to hear about it or to have it put entirely out of proportion in the culture in which I live, anymore than I want a similar movement from, say, sado-masochists, or lovers of bestiality, or whatever is the particular personal expression of the libido. In a culture already obsessed with sex, or so it would seem, do we need just one more example of that strange public sense of proportion? This assumes the similitude of religious fundamentalists, and is equally irrational and distasteful.

Which brings me to some root musings. There is a very strange dichotomy in this entire posit. First, marriage as we know it in our western culture (and elsewhere) is based entirely on the religious authority and precepts as practiced in our Judeo-Christian traditions. That same source for authority unequivocally condemns homosexuality. Period. I find it very odd that people who choose to live so untraditionally would demand public acceptance on the basis of tradition that is based on authority that condemns their practice. What? Perhaps we can force God to change His mind, inspire an addendum to the Bible for the 21st century, explain why He does not share His authority with a Goddess? I mean, what?

I also find it quite strange in the gay community that certain types would seek to elevate the role and attributes of the gender (female) that has a tradition of suppression and sexism in our culture and others, to demand rights and approbation in that guise, and to do so based on the assumed sense of entitlement that comes from being born male in such a society. These are issues I have yet to hear addressed by the gay men I have known or to whose concerns I have turned my attention. In this context we must then examine the traditional roles of male and female in much greater depth than is usual and look at a much larger picture for understanding of the problems inherent in the demands of certain types of practicing and very vocal gay men. (The issues of lesbians is of another sort and as they are fewer in number, I will only address their issues in principle.)

Let's get back to marriage again: why marriage? What is the hope implicit in that act? Oh yes, I know very well the issues that are practical in nature: health care, spousal support, various legal rights, etc. But it is not necessary to "marry" to have those issues resolved. In fact, I would argue there are better, more rational means to that end. I suspect that at least for some there is some cachet attached to the idea of "marriage," some romantic notion or expectation, that the facts alone should enlighten. What are the marriage statistics among straight people? What are the statistics regarding stability in the relationships of gay and/or lesbian couples? Is this an attempt to force a public acceptance that, in principle, has now the authority of "God" because the relationship has been legalized? Is this merely psychological in effect? And this in a time when many, many American couples choose not to marry, and for very good reasons. And is anyone examining the history of the marriage ceremony and its rites and actually proposing that we continue this archaic (and one might add, very expensive) tradition into our current age for any set of people in an enlightened era? Or this merely an attempt to force public acceptance in the face of very real obstacles that are not altogether without basis, but perhaps in a context that is subliminal?

Now, let me say that I have known any number of truly remarkable gay people whose impulse and impression was not one of their sexuality. I have known fewer who were successful in a long-standing relationship, but I think this is equally true of the population at large. Marriage will not change this for anyone, of any persuasion. I have gay friends who are terrific parents (haven't seen as much success among my lesbian acquaintances, I'd have to say, but that could be merely circumstantial based on my data base). I have gay friends who suffer because of the lack of legal mechanisms marriage would grant. But even as more and more couples who choose not to marry devise legal means for enabling their relationships, these same issues can be addressed by "civil unions" or whatever designation we wish to bestow. Let's not confuse legal protection with "marriage" and all the real and imagined associations it carries.

My bottom line is related to two issues: first is that highly personal issues such as sexual orientation, religion and political affiliation have no place in the public square, and second is that the entire issue of "marriage" needs to be examined in a much larger, rational context before a decision is made with regard to legal options for the traditions that accompany "marriage" in our culture hardly work for ordinary people, much less people who aspire to any type of relationship that is out of the ordinary and nontraditional (and this applies to many more people than those who choose to express their sexuality in a different way from the majority).

I might also add that though the kind of discrimination expressed, even violently, in some quarters is truly reprehensible (though nothing compared to that to which our black community has been subjected and that just for the color of their skin - a truly genetic condition that is fixed in the DNA, or women, whose DNA is just as incontrovertible), inviting that violence through baiting and in-your-face confrontation is really quite juvenile and distasteful, and one would do well to compare the freedoms we all enjoy, in any of our differences, in this culture as opposed to others in this world so as to put the issue in perspective - something that is very sorely lacking in this debate, and that on all sides.

We might also consider that at any time any one of us chooses to embrace an aspect of life that is out of the mainstream and/or controversial, we must be prepared to accept personal responsibility for the consequences. In this I have some experience and am intimately familiar with both the pain and the reward of unconventionality. Anyone, in any culture, one who would choose to digress from the status quo will experience repercussions. Sometimes it is not even a matter of choice, but inherited difference, or handicap, or ethnicity. These are simply facts that the mature person must consider.

For those whose violence expresses itself irrationally against people whose private practices do nothing to impinge on their lives in any way, one might ask why they even make it their business and what rationality there is in that. Prejudice of every kind is irrational. And I have yet to see it come from a source of personal security and self-acceptance. A level of maturity we have not seen would shed fresh light on a topic that could be put into far better perspective and result in a better society for many oppressed minorities, many of whom have suffered far more and for less cause than militant gays and/or lesbians, some of whom can appear to be quite self-serving and rather audacious in their assumption that all members of the gay/lesbian community share their values and desire their voices and leadership. Certainly, those whose demands fault our President for his inattention to their "plight" have no sense of proportion whatsoever and stumble over their hubris if nothing else, thus serving their own cause and that of other more rational and thoughtful members of this community very poorly and projecting an image of gays that is not at all in keeping with the majority, which is a real shame. Frankly, far many more Americans suffer for lack of health care (for instance) than do gays suffer from discriminatory practices, and this is particularly painful when we examine cases of children, elderly and those with catastrophic illness. Again, perspective - and compassion for all, not just our personal causes.

Finally, I hope that with all the issues that are on the table in a crumbling society that is frightened and insecure, all of us will find a way to put sex into a proper context, restore its dignity without stripping it of its allure, protect it with the privacy it deserves to be at its best, and address with all our energies the much larger issues that threaten our way of life as we have known it, that will affect all of us, regardless of differences, in ways much more damaging than mere lack of freedom of sexual expression (and really, who is stopping anybody short of pedophiles from expressing themselves as they wish in our society?). We are more than our sex organs, however we choose to use them in the privacy of our own boudoirs. That's why we have brains.

Rainy Day Beauty

Some individual beauties caught my eye:





















A very wet late May and early June have made the garden lush. With my new digital camera I got a few shots today to share:

Love in a Time of Chimera

A random conversation with my insurance saleslady a couple of weeks ago has set off a large thought process in the interim. The subject was relationships, particularly as we are older, and my statement was “I know what I'm missing.” Sometimes these pearls just leap out of our mouths, bits of honesty ripened to fruition and ready to spill out, enlightening us. This was such an occasion. It took my breath away with is revelation and I've been thinking about it ever since.

I do know what I am missing. And I miss it! I miss the comfort level that comes with years of shared living, with all its ups and downs, and the delicious acceptance that comes with that. I miss the dream I've always had of sitting on a cold night, warmed by the coals of shared experience and memory, in quiet companionship. I miss knowing and being known so well that words are unnecessary. I miss the joy in loving another so much that watching him grow old, come into his own, face life's challenges, pursue his interests now that employment is not a mandate, is a deep and fulfilling balm to my soul. I miss loving at that level that celebrates the individual above the relationship and sees the relationship as a means to the end of individuation of a very special order – individuation in tandem, if you please. I miss having someone to get my back, as it were - something I have never experienced, though I have given it often. I miss collaboration of projects, sharing the delights of a day's accomplishments with a significant other, sounding out an idea with one whose opinion I can trust, seeing the world through the eyes of a beloved other. I miss touch, my favorite sense.

So I am wondering if it is possible for two people who have not shared a history to enjoy this level of companionship and compatibility in a new relationship. It's the good stuff to which I have always aspired, in every relationship, even when I was young. This is the something that is beyond sex and procreation – the something that would give new heights and ecstasies to sexual union were it to occur, and with the respect and understanding that a mature relationship would demand, but without the compelling necessity for physical union especially at an age when decline is anticipated. This is essence distilled in the touch of a caress on a face, the exchange of a significant look.

As I was thinking about this one day this week, leaning over to pull weeds in my garden, I imagined that I saw movement on the periphery and looked up quickly, as if in a trance, to see a “figure” walking toward me slowly, in deep contemplation, as if it were the embodiment of the partner I have fantasized forever. How I would welcome sharing my life with another with whom I have such a connection while having such a distance as well. There is a love in my soul that is the best love I've never given that awaits such an occasion. And it is so precious to me, it is a fantasy and belief of such long duration, that I am perfectly comfortable dying without its fulfillment rather than to compromise ever again. If I can imagine it, it can be a reality. All it takes is one other person who shares the dream. Nothing less is possible. There is simply no point in it.

But this begs the question of the ability of two people, with two very different histories over a rather long period of time, to combine those histories in ways that allow a sharing of the coals of memories that can fire the present. I like to think that this suggests an intimacy and sharing that is beyond the usual by quite some degree. And I find that this is what I dream of having in my old age if dreams were to come true: a level of intimacy and sharing that is the self totally stripped to nothing, in total honesty, and shared with another who is equally honest, so that together we celebrate the lives we've lived and honor our tenures on this earth, together we make sense of the lives we've led. An exquisitely beautiful vision, even if I never realize it. I am satisfied to know that I have that love to share and that still passionate desire for same.

A wise man once told me, Everyone needs someone to whom to tell the story of his life. I have pondered this for nearly 40 years. At the end of life, as we review and evaluate the lives we have led, I believe many of us crave this event, if we are honest. For myself I can easily admit that I need to be able to tell and share the life I've lived, and I desire to give to another the affirmation of that level of sharing. My life has counted for something, with all its mistakes and trials. It would be so lovely to have that accepted and affirmed, to share with the best friend I never had. But not without reciprocation, which is to me a rule of relationships. I cannot give or receive without reciprocation. I cherish my dream.

Mother's Day Music

I have five daughters. The first four were fathered by my first husband and I think of them as "the litter." All four were born in just over five years - and it was wonderful! I'm a woman who could have had a very large number of children. I absolutely loved being a mother to young children: the pregnancy, delivery (they were all born at home and I delivered two myself), and nursing, watching them grow, seeing their individual personalities emerge, encouraging their mental development, listening to them at play - you get the drift.

So having them grown and gone far from home is an enormous loss (my fifth daughter came ten years later, so is like an only - and she too lives far from home). We can get together rarely and never have all five been together in one place at one time.

However, this year the oldest four came here for Mother's Day and I have to say that the music of their voices as they interact with one another is the most beautiful sound in the world to this mother. But there's more. I find my eyes just clinging to every detail of their faces, hair, bodies, just as when they were small children. I think mommy love never changes in some ways. And my desire to hold them, sit them on my lap, stroke their skin and all those things that are appropriate when they are small is just as real today as it was then. Maybe mommies always see their children as they were when they were young, I don't know. Not that I don't admire the women they have become. I DO!! It's just something different. Perhaps it's something only a mother could have - those memories of the child to whom she gave birth, whom she suckled, in whom she took such immense pleasure.

I don't know if all people take mental photographs as I do but I certainly love the album I keep in my mind. Just wish I could share it sometimes. I've never been good at taking pictures with a camera and don't have a digital camera, which I would use if I had one but just can't afford one.

I'll savor the mental images and memories of this Mother's Day for a very long time and hope with all my heart it won't be six years (that's the last time we were all together and then for the first time in more than a decade!) before it happens again and that I won't die without having had all five girls together at one time and one place (and not my deathbed, please).

A sidebar to this is my own experience of age. I watch my daughters and see so much of myself at a younger age. I don't have that kind of energy any more even if I do work harder and accomplish more than most people of my age that I know. It's an interesting thing to observe and experience and I find it works best in the context of family and handing off to the next generation. Such a fulfilling experience! I realize in retrospect how different life is for those who live more fully in the bosom of their families on a regular basis. I'm missing quite a lot and I can see how it affects me. Just cause for thought and observation for the introspective one. This is not something you can understand until you get there.

An added feature for me is that I live alone and in complete solitude most days of the year. Very quiet. Nothing but the natural world surrounding me. It is very different to be among so many people, of so many ages, with so much sound. After awhile it is completely exhausting but not in an unpleasant way. Reminds me of the days when I was interfacing with others all the time - a totally different experience. I am grateful to have the quiet time as an older woman because I was always the quiet, reflective, loner sort anyway, although my children were never an intrusion.

Most of all, I am so grateful that I was given this precious experience of being a mother - five times! Absolutely nothing in this life means more to me. Gardening has just been a way to extend the nurturing. I have a full and grateful heart.

Spring gardening, of course

What is it about spring that makes my sap rise, as it were? I wake up with a certain excitement. Can't wait to see and feel the light, survey my kingdom from the windows of the house while I prepare coffee and wait for the day to warm (and do domestic indoor tasks before losing myself to the garden).

Each spring in the high desert is unique. I believe intermountain areas are always something less than predictable. This year it has been quite cold and very dry - no spring rains. Nonetheless, my own little paradise is lush with green and colorful flowers. Never before have the orchards and bulbs been so effusive in their bloom. No matter that a really cold night (20 just yesterday morning!) will likely literally nip in the bud any chance of fruit. Still, the colors of white, pink, blush are fantastic in clouds against the green of the orchard clover and the blue of the spring sky, and the fragrance is overwhelming. The narcissus this year is outstanding as are the tulips. In fact, the perennial beds are truly gorgeous. Of course, I have sprinklers going most days to give them the moisture they crave.

Having broken my ankle a year ago in February, I lost last spring so the work of weeding the perennial beds has been twice the normal this year. That has been one huge task. I give my effort to the perennial beds early in the season because once I begin the vegetable garden it takes most of my time until I get it up and self-sustaining. Flowers are the food for my soul and make the large expanse of tree-shaded lawn so enjoyable in the heat of summer.

In the vegetable garden I have now tilled three times, to get rid of all the weeds that had taken advantage of my disability last year (I did have a garden, but it was not up to my usual standard). Lettuces and spinach I planted mid-August of last year are thriving for fresh salads each day. I have set up scaffolding for pole peas and beans and the peas have been planted and are now seedlings. Between the rows on each side of the scaffolding I put my brassica family members, who appreciate the shade the peas provide to keep them cool while they get established. After the heat of summer spells doom for the peas, I will remove the string and scaffolding to let the Brussels sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower and cabbages have the full width of the row and will put flowers among them to repel cabbage moths. In that part of the garden I also have a wide row of mixed lettuces, spinach, chard, beets, carrots, parsnips and radishes. I just mix them together and use plenty of radish seed, which matures early and marks the rows as well as providing a gentle loosening of the soil as I remove them, which benefits the other seedlings left behind. The lettuces mature quickly and don't suffer summer's heat, so they are removed (except for those I leave to go to seed) and the root crops have the full bed in which to mature. I plant green onion sets here and there to repel root maggots and just generally enhance the health of the bed. I mulch with straw very heavily on the walking paths and that part of the garden is mostly done except for watering and a little weeding here and there.

Elsewhere in the garden I have set out all my tomatoes, with walls of water to protect them from both cold and wind. Along the west side of the tomatoes I have scaffolding for pole beans to protect the plants from the harsh afternoon sun. I have found this to be very helpful with tomatoes in this high desert area of extremely hot summer sun. Among the tomatoes I will plant cosmos, sunflowers, borage and alyssum, all of which contribute to good health for the tomatoes by attracting good insects in addition to looking very pretty indeed. All my tomatoes are heirloom tomatoes, so they are growing on tall towers to facilitate their upward growth (after all, tomatoes really are vines) which I will stop by pinching off the ends when they have started setting fruit as well as reaching the tops of the towers.

I have planted six more trees this spring, one of them a Bing cherry. I also planted five more grapes and will construct an arbor for them of stock panels, which I rescued from the bank of the creek where they hung up after a flood some years ago.

Asparagus is thriving just now and eaten fresh or lightly steamed every day. Of course I have lovely greens from what I call my "cool garden" (an area that receives more shade than other parts and is ideal for those things that prefer cooler growing conditions). Strawberries are getting a blossom here and there and I am giving them plenty of water, as well as doing some weeding daily as bindweed will be the scourge of my garden all my years on this place. It is especially vigorous in my raspberries and that is another daily project. A little here, a little there. That's how I get it all done without boredom or overusing one set of muscles.

Today it is time to set out all the pepper and eggplant seedlings I started and get them covered for protection from wind and cold (I invented a little "hot cap" for this purpose using those plastic bags from shopping that seem to proliferate once two or more are gathered together). I also have a large number of herb seedlings and plans to expand my herb garden as well as educating myself more fully on medicinal herbs and their preparations for use (I have a number of very good books).

For one such as I, nothing is this world except family can compare to gardening for its fulfillment in every way and I am grateful to have a family that shares that enthusiasm.

Winter of my discontent - or something like that

I love winter and I love snow. I love all the light and sparkle snow brings, as well as the insulation of the earth, the nitrogen, the pristine quality, the pastel shadows, the incredible sunsets and some sunrises. And this winter there has been a whole lot of snow! In fact, I've been snowbound for long stretches of time out here in the boonies.

I also love winter for its quiet, the inevitable reflective caste that accompanies short days and long nights. I find that sleep is deep and long in the winter. And I love having a real hearth with a real fire with real pets around it, warming their bones and gracing the carpet.

One such pet is a young, beautiful, all black kitten I named Muffy. I have enjoyed her so much, notwithstanding that she is now about 30 feet up in a tree outside - for the third time this winter! I try very hard to keep her strictly inside, but she gives me the slip when I go out to get some firewood from the porch and she's so fast that it's too late by the time I notice. To date she has had to be rescued each time, even spending one night in her perch while at least 6" of snow fell because I cannot climb trees any more and had to wait for help.

I do fine with winter until after Christmas. I am such an outdoors person that my ability to quietly read, sew, knit, amuse myself indoors begins to fail. Oh, I get out each day for at least a small walk (love winter walks!) and to bring up firewood from the woodshed. But I live in such isolation that I find myself getting tired of my own company, I suppose, and certainly in need of more stimulation - which is always the outdoor world for me and gardening specifically. So cabin fever sets in and by February I'm hanging on for dear life.

One bit of excitement this winter was the presence of a cougar. I did not see this cougar, though I might have. Early on a Sunday morning, just as dawn was shedding fuzzy light on a world still dark from lack of snow as well as light, my dogs demanded to go outside. This was particularly amazing coming from my Miniature Pincher, who always stayed in bed, under her afghan, till 11 or later. I could tell from their barking that something different was going on, so I slipped out to the end of the house in the direction of their barking in just my nightgown and slippers. Daisy, the mutt, was backing up as she barked, clearly frightened and alarmed. Kate was not in sight but she was absolutely fearlessly aggressive, so that was not a concern. Had I walked even five feet further, I might have seen the cougar that was in my orchard - and that killed Kate, who no doubt flew right into its face.

As light made vision possible, I dressed and went looking for Kate, who had not returned. I feared the worst. Daisy's very keen nose found a spot in the orchard that was fresh blood, and then another, and still another. We followed the blood trail up a steep slope to the top of the bench land and there I saw what I expected: the lifeless body of my Kate, about 40 feet or so into the field. She had been partially eaten. I gathered her up. She was still warm and limp. I carried down to the garden where I have set aside a special pet cemetery. Only later did it occur to me that I had probably chased the cougar off its kill and that I had no weapons with me for self-defense.

I called the government trapper in our area, who confirmed that it was indeed a cougar (the puncture wounds were huge!). We agreed that had Kate not been such an aggressive dog, she would not have been killed. Cougars really don't care for dog and there are abundant deer in my part of the country, which is what cougar prefer - not even bothering cattle if deer are available. As my land is along a ridge that connects two mountainous areas, this is a natural passage for cougars, who probably come down to the creek to drink at my place, where there is easy access. I have seen their prints in the past and actually heard one growling at the large dogs I had at that time - who promptly landed on the porch, begging to come in. They are creatures of the night, so dusk and dawn would be the most likely time for an encounter, if one were to occur, and they definitely do not want to encounter people.

Not a good winter for pets hereabouts. Not terribly good for me either. Weather prevented Christmas travel, so there was no Christmas this year, which was a huge disappointment. No New Year's Eve highlight either. I took down the decorations the day after Christmas, crying because of disappointment and because no one had even seen them - or the gifts I had sewn with so much excitement and joy. This too shall pass, but it was something of a blow nonetheless.

Today blue skies prevail, which is always very uplifting in any case, but even more so when there is snow to reflect all that light. I try to go for a drive on each such day, providing I can get out of my steep lane - even with 4WD. Daisy goes with me - something she never did when Kate was here. And so we pass through another winter, but not without much thought and dreaming of spring's weather and garden.